In July 2019, I stood on Platform 23 at Milan Centrale with a literal puddle of sweat forming in my shoes. It was 104 degrees, my Trenitalia app had crashed for the fourth time, and I’d just realized I’d spent €80 on a ticket for a train that had departed ten minutes ago from a platform that didn’t technically exist on the main concourse. I ended up sitting on my suitcase for three hours next to a vending machine that only sold lukewarm sparkling water. I felt like a complete idiot. But that’s the reality of ‘romantic’ European rail travel that the glossy Instagram accounts never show you. It’s often hot, confusing, and wildly overpriced if you don’t know which levers to pull.
The Glacier Express is a claustrophobic greenhouse
I’m just going to say it, and I know people will disagree, but the Glacier Express is one of the most overrated experiences in the world. People pay upwards of $200 to sit in a glass-topped carriage for eight hours. Do you know what happens in a glass-topped carriage when the sun comes out? You bake. It’s a greenhouse on wheels. You’re trapped with a hundred other tourists, all of whom are fighting to take the same photo of the Landwasser Viaduct.
I used to think the ‘slowest express train in the world’ was a badge of honor. I was completely wrong. After hour four, you stop looking at the mountains and start looking at your watch. The scenery is objectively stunning, sure, but the experience is sanitized and cramped. If you want the same views without the tourist tax, just take the local regional trains on the same tracks. You can actually open the windows, the air is fresh, and you aren’t surrounded by people eating $50 lukewarm chicken breast.
Don’t book the panoramic cars. Just don’t.
The boring math of why you shouldn’t buy a Eurail pass
I’ve tracked my spending across six different trips over three years, comparing the ‘Pass’ cost versus point-to-point tickets. In 82% of cases, the pass was a bad deal. People buy them for the ‘freedom,’ but in countries like France, Italy, and Spain, you still have to pay for seat reservations anyway. Often, those reservations are €10 to €20 a pop.
- The 84-Day Rule: If you book your tickets exactly 84 to 90 days out, you can get a high-speed ticket from Paris to Lyon for €25. On the day of? It’s €110.
- The Regional Hack: In Germany, the ‘Deutschland-Ticket’ is €49 for a whole month of regional travel. It’s a pain to cancel (you have to do it by the 10th of the month), but it beats any Eurail price.
- Hidden Fees: I once spent €35 on ‘processing fees’ for a pass that was supposed to be all-inclusive.
What I mean is—actually, let me put it differently. The rail pass is a product for people who are afraid of local websites. If you can use Google Translate, you can save enough money to stay an extra two nights in a decent hotel.
The one ride that actually lives up to the hype
If you want the best train ride in Europe, you go to the Balkans. Specifically, the line from Belgrade (Serbia) to Bar (Montenegro). It costs about €21. It takes about 11 hours, assuming nothing breaks, which it often does. There is no Wi-Fi. There is no ‘First Class’ that actually feels like first class. But you go through 254 tunnels and over 435 bridges.
The wind through the open window in the Dinaric Alps felt like a hairdryer set to ‘stun.’ It was raw. You’re hanging off the side of mountains, looking down into canyons that make the Swiss Alps look like a manicured golf course. I remember sitting in the corridor because the compartment was too hot, sharing a piece of salty cheese with a guy who spoke zero English but kept pointing at the peaks and nodding. That’s the stuff that actually sticks in your brain. It’s messy and loud and the toilets are… well, let’s not talk about the toilets.
Pure magic.
A brief tangent on station sandwiches
Why is it that every train station in France sells the exact same baguette with one slice of ham and a layer of butter thick enough to insulate a house? I’ve eaten at least forty of these. They are always €7.50 and they always tear the roof of your mouth. Anyway, the point is that you should always buy your food at a grocery store at least three blocks away from the station. The ‘station tax’ is real and it’s insulting.
I might be wrong about the Nightjet, but…
I have a weird, irrational loyalty to the OBB Nightjet (the Austrian sleeper trains). They are objectively cramped. If you’re in a six-person couchette, you are basically sleeping in a coffin with five strangers. I once spent a night from Vienna to Venice next to a man who snored so loudly I thought the train was derailing. I didn’t sleep a wink.
And yet, I keep booking them. There is something about waking up, pulling back the curtain, and seeing the Venetian lagoon as the sun comes up that wipes out the memory of the snoring man. I’ve bought the same route three times now. I don’t care that a flight is faster or that a hotel room has a shower. I refuse to give up on the night train, even though the booking system looks like it was designed in 1998 and the ‘breakfast’ is a single hard roll with a plastic tub of jam.
Is it actually ‘good’ travel? Probably not. But it feels like you’re actually going somewhere, rather than just being teleported between airports. I genuinely don’t know if the ‘renaissance’ of night trains will survive the reality of how expensive they are to run, but I hope it does.
Go to Montenegro. Skip the glass trains. Bring your own sandwich.
